It has been so long since i have written. I helps when i write, but I get sidetracked by life. I don’t even know if i can catch you up right now because i have an issue that i need to get out. Well, i have 2 issues that i need to get out.
Issue #1
I am officially a cougar.
I have been hanging out with a guy for almost 3 months. He is sweet and kind, funny and odd. But he is 14 years my junior. i was skeptical and we talked and both agreed that we knew we weren’t relationship material for each other but said we could still hangout since we have fun together.
It seemed like a good idea. Alas, i sit here stirring about how to end things without hurting his feelings or losing him as a friend. Sadly, i fear at least one if not both is going to happen.
FYI, i am 38 so i am not with someone under age.
I know in my heart and stomach i need to end the dating stuff. But he is so kind and does things for me and i don’t want to hurt him. I remember that he told me we would hang out until i found mr. right.
I haven’t found him, well probably haven’t, but i don’t want him falling for me.
i don’t to lead him on. I don’t want to have to keep trying to teach him how to have sex.
I need to make the adult move and put him in the friend zone. Ugh.
Issue #2
This has been an ongoing issue for a year now.
I met this guy on POF. I have talked about him before. I don’t remember what i referred to him as but we have been going back and forth for almost a year. I take a lot of blame for the shit between us. But he hasn’t helped things. We both have feelings for each other. I know we do.
Let me start by saying i messed up. I liked him but i always felt he didn’t have time for me. In fact, i stopped talking to him a few times because of this.
I should also say, I slept with more than my share of men during the times we were talking and were not talking. I wanted attention, i was just out of a 16 year relationship and i sucked. I hurt him and I tried to hide things but I fessed up to everything. I have tried 2 times this year to get back with him and failed both times. The first time, again, i felt like he didnt make time for me. The second time, he was talking to a girl so i started talking to and continued talked to the young guy. Now here i am. sad and longing for someone i can’t have. Someone that i have known a year. Someone that is dealing with a family loss and needs me now but is more upset by my previous actions.
He is in a relationship with this younger girl, according to facebook. And i am sad. But he still can’t leave me be. i can’t leave me be. We got together on monday. there were moments of sweet that i knew he still cares for me.
I want him in my life. I need him to see i want him. That we are mean to be something for each other. Things don’t drag on this long to not have anything happen.
he is not the greatest of men, he has made his mistakes. He is a caring, loving, determined man that has been through too much shit. I hate that i added to it. I hate that he added to mine. But he never cheated on me like i did him. even though he seemed to enjoy it when i did.
Sigh. I hate feelings. But it feels good to get them out.
Now to formulate my plan to get things over with the other guy.
Thanks for reading.
Beer, Hugs and Ice Cream 
More power to you, I hate men my age, let alone younger, if they’d shut up fine, but they don’t, you must have found a rare one.
As for Mr POF, I think the best thing to do is just be there, try to engage again, just talking, its about as much as you can do.
Feelings do suck, I wish I could take mine out, put them in a box and throw them in the bay.
Chin up, boobs out ❤